I have an issue with inactivity. I would rather curl up in bed and read than do just about anything. Part of this is just a habit of laziness. I let things sit undid and let life pass unlived.

I’m trying to change that, making myself notice when I haven’t done anything. To remedy it I’ve started to ride my bike to work (though I can’t yet ride the full way). I’ve started doing a few rounds of DDR when I’m bored. I’m trying to prepare actual meals instead of just grazing on dry cereal.

But then again I’ve been here before. I’m not discouraged though. The past is the past, it’s the future I’m looking to.

At almost 30 years old I’ve decided that it’s time to start getting on with my life. I’m enrolling in college this summer. I’m making plans for the future that don’t involve shrugging my shoulders and making vague guesses about what I’ll be doing a few years from now.

They say the 30s are the new 20s and I’m planning on actually living.


The math of weight loss is simple. Eat fewer calories than you use up to live and when that difference is 3500 calories you’ve lost a pound, HOORAY! Right?

So how is it that it doesn’t always really work that way? According to FitDay I’m at about 7000  caloric difference for the week and here I am 2 pounds HEAVIER. I know there are things like water weight to consider and blah blah blah but it’s ridiculously annoying to see the numbers climbing when I’m doing everything that I should be doing.

I’m hoping that these magically gained pounds somehow melt off while I sleep one night and I end up showing my loss properly, but in the mean time I won’t allow my disappointment to turn into discouragement.

I’m doing this even if the scale and my body aren’t cooperating with my efforts.

Life has happened again and the forces that be have forced me away from the golden state and back to the plains and farmlands of the sunflower state (Kansas). One would imagine that living in the middle of farm lands would means that one would have access to the best of produce and fresh foods but this is not the case. Instead it’s easy to see why America’s waistbands are growing when you look at what the breadbasket has to offer in ways of local cuisine.

But… but…

I found a box of veggie burgers at the local grocery store as well as a bag of spring mix lettuces so times, they are a changing and I suppose that it’s time for me to change along with them. Kansas has, for many years, been a source of strain in my life. The black hole I’ve called it as I keep getting sucked back here after I’ve been off adventuring. Maybe it’s time to change my perspective?

I’m not saying that I’m going to stay here for the long haul, that I’m ready to settle down here, but maybe my mother is right. There’s something I need to learn and here may be where I need to learn it. At very least this is one step in the middle of the march of my life.

And it’s quiet here and for the first time in what seems like a long time I can hear myself think.

I’ve been thinking a lot about people and relationships lately.

Today on my visit to craigslist.org I poked around the Strictly Platonic section of the personals section and it was likely one of the most depressing things I’ve read in a very long time, but at the same time it was heartening. I’m not the only one out there who is lonely. I’m not the only one out there wishing for that friend to have coffee with. I’m not the only woman out there looking for the rest of her “Sex in the City”esque cabal.

Is this how we meet people now? Is this how it’s done? I’ve never been very good at the process of making friends or meeting people. In the absence of co-workers (mine are all much younger than I am) or fellow students (not in school) I don’t really know where or how to meet people or how to make friends out of the people that I do meet.

A few years ago my aunt brought me to meet her now exboyfriend’s family. The husband of the exbf’s sister was one of those people and by those people I mean that he was the guy who would go to a park for a walk and then come home 2 hours later with an invitation to a barbecue from this guy he met at the park. I was fascinated by him. How does he do it? I asked him what the secret was and he told me that he just talks to people. I can’t wrap my head around that… talk to some one that I don’t know? What the hell would we talk about?

But I guess these are questions that a lot of people are asking, are trying to figure out. How do I make friends? Where do I go to meet people that will let me care for them, that will care for me…

I suppose if we all just spoke to each other then we’d all meet and we wouldn’t need to post personal ads looking for some one to go have coffee with, because we would be able to have coffee with the person sitting at the coffee shop.