Ranting and Raving


A mile and a half isn’t a bad walk. Unless of course you’ve just gotten off a retail shift and then a mile and a half takes forever and feels like murder.

At the end of my walks (to and from work) my legs ache, my feet are on fire and my knees and hips feel as though they’d just as soon quit than continue to propel my legs. Breaks are not even a passing thought because I know once I sit to rest, to relax, that I will stiffen up and it’ll be that much more impossible to get back up and start walking again.

So I deal with it for now, knowing that eventually I’ll be in better shape and this walk won’t be quite so impossible in the very near future.

Dear Chrissie,

I’m sorry. I’m so so so so sorry. I’ve neglected you in every way possible, and let you down in more ways than I can count. I’ve fallen into bad habits, into an unhealthy life style and skipped down a road that is certain to lead to more unhappiness and more depression.

Chrissie, you deserve better and I’m sorry.

I can’t promise that this is me turning over a new leaf. We’ve both been there before and I know that you know better than to trust me with radical changes of actual life style. But at least I want you to know that I know what I’m doing, I know that it’s hurting you, but I have a problem and I don’t know how to stop, but I am willing to try.

Despite the abuse and the neglect I do love you. I think you are smart and brilliant and hilarious and so blindingly kind that it’s amazing that you don’t glow. I know that I’ve been standing in the way of all that and I’m sorry.

We’ll work this out, I promise. Together.

I love you,

Chrissie