NYR


Dear Chrissie,

I’m sorry. I’m so so so so sorry. I’ve neglected you in every way possible, and let you down in more ways than I can count. I’ve fallen into bad habits, into an unhealthy life style and skipped down a road that is certain to lead to more unhappiness and more depression.

Chrissie, you deserve better and I’m sorry.

I can’t promise that this is me turning over a new leaf. We’ve both been there before and I know that you know better than to trust me with radical changes of actual life style. But at least I want you to know that I know what I’m doing, I know that it’s hurting you, but I have a problem and I don’t know how to stop, but I am willing to try.

Despite the abuse and the neglect I do love you. I think you are smart and brilliant and hilarious and so blindingly kind that it’s amazing that you don’t glow. I know that I’ve been standing in the way of all that and I’m sorry.

We’ll work this out, I promise. Together.

I love you,

Chrissie

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The past couple of weeks have been weeks of reconnection for me. Not only have I reconnected with my family but I’ve also been getting in touch with friends that I haven’t spoken to for years. It’s been a time of rediscovery and discovery, of quiet contemplation, needed conversation and thoughtful silence. It’s been a time of loss and stress and recovery.

I’m OK and with the help of my friends and my family I will continue to be OK and maybe even manage to get myself up out of the slump I’ve been in for a few years now.

I’ve been living my life on autopilot for a while now and while it’s been an interesting ride it’s not a sustainable style of life. I’m tired. I need to make decisions. I need to ask myself difficult questions and face difficult answers and see where that takes me.

So this year’s new year resolution (which I’m getting a jump start on) is to get to know myself because frankly it’s time that I stopped living with a stranger.